So painfully ancient, perhaps, that you’ve been wondering if, when all your affairs are put in order, there’s something to be said for this euthanasia thing?
Or maybe you are just depressed and have no wish to go through all the bother of another Merry sodding Christmas and a Happy bloody New Year?
Keep your heads out of that gas oven! Save those pills for someone who needs them for a headache!
Because there is a legion of children in blazers and stripey ties ready to help you out.
Maybe you’ve already seen the notices our angels have been pinning up outside the school... and along the street... and all over the town.
Maybe soon you'll be seeing angels?
When the idea first came up at the student council meeting I thought they said it was an ‘OAP Party’ they were organising. But my memory must be failing me in my autumn years.
Now, proudly presenting our school’s first and your last -
(That's the school name I've censored - I doubt the R.I.P Committee is planning for suicidals travelling in from outside the area).
I dare not imagine what goes in a 'minced' pie at an R.I.P Party, or what this choir is going to be singing as you drink your last sherry - the important thing is that some teacher gets this malarkey under control before the school has a misunderstanding with the local community.
*Speakers of non-UK English (in case you don’t know), OAP = Old Age Pensioner.