What schools and naughty scientists don't want your children to know

Recently I wrote about how our world, life, the universe and all of existence could have come to an end as the result of a foolish scientific experiment in Switzerland.

With the failure of the world to end as predicted (that doesn’t actually happen until 2015, by the way – but more of that in a moment) all of this begs the question of Well, How Was The World Actually Created, Then?

I am privy to a great deal of arcane knowledge, and now I will share with the world the story of how it happened that the universe was brought into existence.

112 years ago, in 1896, a divine omnipotent film director used a 1980s Philips camcorder - which he had obviously transported back in time - to create the universe.

The divine film director did this by creating a metaphysical VHS video cassette (just like the ones you had before DVDs) and on this video cassette he recorded his creation – that is, the universe and everything we experience in it.

On the video cassette tape is recorded all the world’s history, every person who has ever lived, every idea that has ever been thought, every last thing that has ever happened in human experience.

Using his divine powers, the film director started this video playing, thus creating the universe from scratch in 1896.

(It should be noted that all years before 1896 are no more than an illusion stemming from human folly and hubris. An intelligent person will realise that it is impossible for the world to have existed longer than 112 years, because before that time there would have been no films to entertain people, so how could people have existed?).

The divine film director’s creation will continue until 2015, when the tape abruptly runs out, and the world will end (albeit only temporarily).

Then the video will be re-wound. The re-winding will last for 2 of our human years, and will take us back to the start of the universe in 1896. These 2 years of re-winding will be a time of great strife, ushering in the regression of humankind to late Victorian technological and social standards.

I can tell you that not only is this re-winding of the universe inevitable, but that it has already happened. In fact, it has happened millions of times already.

Of course a VHS video cassette cannot be played and re-wound millions of times without some damage and wear to the very fabric of the tape on which the universe is recorded.

As the creases, rips, and general damage to the video tape worsen, each incarnation of the universe is subject to increasingly severe natural disasters, wars and diseases. (This is obvious to anyone reviewing world history).

Where there is only slight damage to the tape, this results in social movements such as ‘retro looks’ in fashion, and the resurgence of musical styles which had previously fallen from public favour. This is due to some parts of the tape being ‘smudged’, and historical epochs merging with each other.

The divine film maker, previously omnipotent, has since lost some of his power, and is now, unfortunately, only a little bit omnipotent and semi-retired. It will be up to humans to find ways to repair the tape that is the foundation of their existence - or face oblivion.

I would now like to call for the Philips camcorder story to be discussed in school science lessons, because some children obviously have strong family-held beliefs in the divine film director. (Family-held beliefs, of course, take precedence over their own beliefs). It is imperative that science is not allowed to pollute these children's minds without them having the chance to learn alternative truths about the nature of reality.

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