I wasn’t always Mr Toad of Toad Hall on a bike.

It was Piccadilly Circus without a single motor vehicle to be seen or heard. It should have been the perfect opportunity to freely cross the Queen’s Highway.

Surely that right is enshrined in the Magna Carta?

And with several thousand people present, protesting against reliance on cars, surely my right to cross the road was secured.

Traffic lights on red for road vehicles, green man for pedestrians.

Out I stepped into the road.

Back I stepped from the road.

‘Erm’ I said, apologetically, although none of the thousands of swarming cyclists was listening. ‘Look, the light’s on red for you, so we can cross now?’

Then one of them took a skid and I went ‘aaaaahhh’ like a malevolent child. Well, there’s no point in me lying here, now.

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