Our friends across the North Sea will try anything to undermine their recent ban on smoking in bars. Now that the clouds of cigarette smoke have gone, customers in Dutch cafés are complaining of other unsavoury odours, such as sweaty feet, general body odour, and drink smells, which were previously absorbed and carried away by the tobacco smoke.
This is according to a report in De Volkskrant newspaper (and interpreted here for your delectation).
Some café owners are now apparently installing ‘smell machines’ which are programmed to pump out a scent of the landlord’s choosing – with strawberries, pineapple, and ‘Bounty Beach’ (!) being popular choices.
I smell a rat in the story, as I don’t recall any previously undetected whiffs revealing themselves when smokers were banished from British pubs, and I don’t believe that the Dutch are any smellier than us, probably the reverse, if anything (I, for one, have not washed for 3 days).
It seems rather dictatorial that only the café owner should have a say in which smells the clientele are bathed in. Now, if the patent for my toilet-bowl inspection light doesn’t come to fruition, I am sure my latest invention - a Juke-smell-box tailored to the British market – will be a hit.