Dear Mr Socks,
I cannot disguise my annoyance at your decision to turn down our offer of employment at such short notice. It has caused our school a catalogue of intolerable inconvenience to find a suitable candidate for the post before the start of the autumn term. Needless to say no future applications from you will be entertained.
Mr U.N.Real, B.Ed.
Dear Mr Real,
Thank-you for your letter in which you responded to my decision to turn down your kind offer of employment with your school.
I am sorry you felt my explanatory letter was unsatisfactory.
Having given careful consideration to the points you made with regard to the intolerable inconvenience my withdrawal has caused I have decided the following:
I propose to present myself outside your school gates during your Prospective Parents’ Evening this school term. I shall be wearing a placard bearing the legend
‘I turned down a job at this wonderful school, I am so ashamed.’
Thereafter I will submit myself to public humiliation by you in a manner of your choosing. I am especially fearful of being licked by Dalmatians, but am also amenable to more conventional forms of physical retribution such as flagellation or being placed in stocks and pelted with rotten fruit.
Your staff, current pupils, and prospective parents are cordially invited to spectate, and as I say, there is no limit to the punishment I would be prepared to accept while expressing my apologies and gratitude for your offer of employment.